Unjamming the Flow

I’m paddling as fast as I can while I layout a new story to write. The thoughts whiz by. What will I write? If I can write...? Will I write...? What to write? What to write? Argh!


While I'm doing my best to figure things out, time marches on. The clock is ticking. Thoughts careen through my head. Can I do this? Why is this time so hard? Was every project this hard to start?

I've stared at the glaring blank screen before. I can do this! Can't I? What have I done before to break free? Stay busy. Keep moving forward. Okay. Right. Got it. I know there is all manner of housekeeping chores to keep me busy, but yet, I sort and shuffle information, getting nowhere.

Then I realize I am paddling up stream...

Ah, perhaps, I should let go of the paddles and let the underlying current take me where I need to go. Might as well. Right now, I’m not getting anywhere fast. Why not enjoy the view and experience instead of fighting it?

Decision made. I'm going to let go and let life drift into my world of words.
Sigh. Already, the current catches hold. It's going to be alright. The dam breaks.  And the words rush in. So good. So good...to allow the flow of words.

Here I am, God. Trusting...well, the best that I can.

The E-MAIL

Where was I when I got THE E-MAIL for the sale of KNIGHT DREAMS? Hmmm...


Actually, I have two points of celebration. In the fall of 2008, a little over a year ago, I was in Indiana visiting my parents when I received the first e-mail from  Samhain Publishing editor, Deborah Nemeth. (I miss her and wish her well at her new publisher.) That message was a blessing and brought joy into a rough, rollercoaster year.
Reports of tumors, cancer, surgeries, and damaged relationships had arrived back to back in 2008. In fact, cancer was what brought me from California and to my mom’s side. The preliminary report said the surgeons had removed all of the cancer from my mom. This allowed us to break from the deep valleys, catch our breath, and wonder if chemotherapy and radiation was needed. While we waited, we remembered to add laughter to our tears and faith to our prayers.


It was during this valley that Deborah’s e-mail came. She loved my story! I squealed as I read those few words and did a happy dance. Breathless, I ran down the stairs to share the news with my parents. They knew how long I’d been writing. This was the third manuscript I had completed. They wanted their little girl to succeed and live her dream.


Then I read the rest of Deborah’s email. There was a BUT... ‘Would you be willing to make some changes?’ My stomach twisted. This story holds a special place in my heart. I wrote it while I was in the midst of my own personal heartache. It carried me away from my grief and brought me hope. It helped me dig my heels in and not give up.


Would I make some changes? I looked at Deborah’s edit notes and gulped. The first few pages were a sea of red! Are you kidding me? With some trepidation, I said, “Of course!” The next e-mails came with rapid fire and the task was set. I turned to my parents. Hope and pride burned in their gaze. It was time to celebrate!


This joy was just the beginning of my stay in Indiana. Word soon came that my mom did not need to have chemotherapy or radiation. And that celebration continues.


The second celebration came in the spring of 2009. After a few rewrite requests, I finally received the contract offer! This time, I was home...alone...when I saw THE E-MAIL in my Inbox. SQUEE! I dropped to my knees. I read the e-mail again and again and again! I laughed and cried and danced around the house. I called my husband, tearing him away from a meeting, and sobbed my news into the phone. I called my parents. Once again, their pride and love filled my heart. I called my writing friend, Kimberley Troutte, and left an indiscernible message on her answering machine. (She soon returned my call, worried I had had an emergency and needed help.) I sent out e-mails to my children and friends. It was my writing group night and as I drove to the meeting, I cried and laughed. The joyful energy brought shivers through my body. I swear, if had been stopped by the police they would have thought I was high. And I was. I was high on persevering.


In October, 2009, KNIGHT DREAMS was released as an eBook by Samhain Publishing. Before I know it, August 2010 will arrive and KNIGHT DREAMS will be printed as a trade paperback. The view is beautiful from here. It’s also inspiring and intimidating at the same time. There is so much to do and learn. Although setbacks might come, it’s an exhilarating ride and I’m grateful I didn’t give up.


Look out 2010! I’m just getting started.